3rd Nov. 2020
WALT: Identify and structure ideas in a letter to our B.O.T. rep.
Ideas to write about: Change to rules regarding
Facial hair
Uniform
The bells
Leaving school
Canteen
12th October, 2020
To Nadia Officer,
I am writing to you regarding teachers at Horby High School (HHS) wearing a school uniform.
I would like you to raise the point and discuss with the Board of Trushers (B.O.T.) the idea of HHS teachers wearing their own uniform as I think they would look more professional.
Of course, it does not need to be a school uniform per se, but they should be uniformed in what they wear. For example, The men could wear a HHS suit and tie and the ladies a suit and tie for them, too. This would make the stuff look more professional.
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Yours sincerely
Scott Aitken
To Nadia Officer,
I send this mail to you regarding teachers at Hornby High School (HHS) for an important message to you. I would like you to make a voting system by putting it yes or no for letting any student in hornby high school vote the right way or right decision. By changing the colour of your long sleeves or sleeveless T-shirt grey into white colour.
We decided to do this because I think it is much preferred white to make it more formal than sort of grey colour of the t-shirt. Once the yes has gotten more voted, we will straight up decide it. If the No has gotten higher then It will stay the same colour.
From: Scott Aitken
`PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR FINAL ESSAY IS PLACE HERE, AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE!
Pick an essay topic from the ‘1.5 Formal Persuasive Writing’ Google Page. It can be from the Google Doc. on Mr Aitken’s 1.5 Formal Persuasive Writing page, or a topic of your choice. If it’s not from the Google Doc and you choose it, PLEASE check it’s appropriate with Mr Aitken.
1 a) Research. Please use this box to copy and paste or write any findings for your topic. These could include statistics, quotes and facts.
Write your thesis statement that you’ll either argue for or against.
My topic thesis statement: Mobile phones control people’s lives.
Plan your writing either in the table below or the persuasive writing template we have been using. (You’ll need to make a copy of this.)
Points FOR | Points AGAINST |
For their happiness | You will forget your family over phones |
To talk to your friends on social media | This ruins your relationship. |
Without needing to face to face | Phones causes ‘OCD’ |
When you are researching things that you don’t | Getting distracted by driving which causes car accidents. |
To reduce your boredom. | Reduce your learning skills when playing mobile games in the phone. |
To keep people connected | If you lose your phone, you lose your life. |
4) Gathering of ideas. List your points in order of your best to least below.
To keep people connected
Playing mobile games on your phone
To talk to your friends on social media.
You will forget your family over phones.
Phone causes ‘OCD’
If you lose your phone, you lose your life
Distraction which their relationship does not deserve.
To reduce your boredom.
5) Organise your ideas (pick your best 4 points for or against, and 1 other point arguing to opposite viewpoint):
1 If you lose your phone, you lose your life
2 You will forget your family over phones.
3 This ruins your relationship
4 (rebuttal point - optional)
5 (optional)
6) Write your essay based on the template below OR ON THE MULTI-PURPOSE INTRODUCTION WITH THE WTE ESSAY PARAGRAPHS!
Introduction:
Catch ‘em: Mobile phone control people’s lives
Thesis: Phone causes ‘OCD’.
List of reasons/points/ideas: Ruins people’s lives, Control, distraction, etc.
(Or use the multi-purpose introduction!)
Body (Use these SEXY paragraphs or the WTE paragraphs or the RIPA ones!)
If you lose your phone, you lose your life. This shows the saddest moment without a phone in your life could be very painful feelings. For example, when you drop or accidentally break your phone, you will be feeling unconscious which is the sign of sadness. This will only happen to those addicted to mobile phones. This loses your life without a phone but when you are too addicted.
2 You will ignore your family over mobile phones. This shows that you are to focus on your mobile phone more rather than your family or any relationship that you have. For example, when you have spent much time with your phone, you will slowly forget your family by not talking or getting ignored by them. This could possibly happen in your life with no manners with your family of rather spending your phone
3. Phone could slowly erase your mindset learning from anywhere, especially from mobile phones. Of course, people use their phones for learning by researching anything on websites for school which is very useful but yet many tons of people only use their phone for mobile games which could cause trouble from school. For example, when you are at school, you go peek your phone down the table and pay more attention on your phone playing games instead during class by never getting caught as possible. Also, get home after school when they have a task to do that that the teacher is giving but you just pull out your phone straight up and focus on it. This shows when you have priority stuff which is your education to do that never gets done due in this situation happening to you. This is why phone brings us somehow in downside and bad happening to us by not doing our important things to do and gets us distracted or more focused rather than your education which is not the nicest thing to do.
4 This ruins your relationship. This shows that you are a heartbreaker guy when you are addicted to mobile phones and it causes some unhappy moments. When you go on a date, and your girl talks to you like any topic, but then you were just saying ‘yeah’ while holding and using your phone when your girlfriends ask you something like “ What is your dream car?” which is very hilarious, then she just walks away from him.
This is the main reason why phones are really controlling and pay attention to the phone and ruin our relationships.
Conclusion:
Restate thesis: This shows that the phone causes ‘OCD’.
Restate List of reasons: It shows that it ruins people’s lives, Control, distraction, etc.
Punch line: Phones are very addicting.
(Or use one of the RIPA paragraphs!)
Now please proofread and edit. This means going back to go over and improve your work. Use some of these REWINDABLE LEARNING resources to help you.
6) To complete it, please check your essay against the checklist below.
CRAFTING I have 1-3 sentences of 1-3 words only Y I have inserted 3-5 great descriptive words Y I have a variety enabling words to help the flow of ideas and examples Y I have used 3-4 rhetorical questions, word patterns (e.g. anaphora or balanced sentences), imperatives, similes, listings, jargon, pronouns, puns, alliterations, understatements or hyperbole, clichés, euphemisms, statistics, facts, Y I have deleted and/or changed 3-5 words or phrases to enhance meaning N |
WRITING CONVENTIONS: I have changed run-on-sentences by using a semicolon (;), a conjunction (and, because, but etc.) or a full stop Y/N I have used RID 1-5 times Y/N I have checked for the correct homophones Y/N I have given all proper nouns capital letters Y/N I have used quotation marks for any colloquial language or slang Y/N I have checked that the tone is formal Y/N I have done a final proofreading and edit Y/N |
